


How Can I (Learn to) Say Goodbye

by xcourtney_chaoticx



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, kaiba is made of unhealthy coping mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 14:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20341387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcourtney_chaoticx/pseuds/xcourtney_chaoticx
Summary: What really happened when Kaiba made it to Atem at the end of DSoD? Did they duel? Or did Atem help him in another way?





	How Can I (Learn to) Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Meant to be gen but can be slash if you want it to be :)
> 
> Warnings: mentioned blood and death, nothing graphic, emotional pain/grieving.

He doesn’t know how long he can stay here. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to go back to his own world.  _ I may have been a little hasty. _ Still, like always, he swallows the fear, won’t let anyone see it. He’s here on a mission, one he won’t be swayed from, and as the enormous palace comes into view, the fear dissipates even more. 

It’s clear he doesn’t belong in this world. His body should be overheating, hot wind blowing in his face and hair, his legs tiring as he walks toward the palace. He should be able to feel these things, but he can’t. He should be more worried when no one looks at him, not a single person noticing the oddly dressed stranger in their midst. No guards stop him. No one attempts to bar him from the palace where their king lives.

And what a king he makes, adorned in gold and violet, seeming to stand taller than he’d ever remembered. With only a gesture, he orders everyone from the room.  _ It’s really him. _ Silence reigns for a long moment, neither man speaking, until-

“Kaiba… however did you get here?”

A lump immediately forms in Seto’s throat. Atem’s voice is exactly as he remembers it, deep and soothing, his tone only curious and humored. A light smile has settled on the pharaoh’s face. He looks at Seto the way one looks at an old friend when they’ve said something silly and familiar.

“I’m not sure I know how to explain it in a way you’d understand,” he replies, “but you see, I missed you when you dropped in on our dimension to defeat Diva, so I figured I would try to meet you here instead.”

“Yes, some of your science was a bit too advanced for me to fully understand.”

His eyes dart down to Seto’s body. Of course, Seto had seen the particles flying off miles ago. He’s disintegrating bit by microscopic bit, this dimension recognizing something that doesn’t belong and trying to get rid of him. Atem’s brow knits in concern.

“You shouldn’t be here, Kaiba,” he says quietly, and it startles Seto how gentle his voice is, almost sad.

“Well, I  _ am _ here, and I worked hard to get here so we could have our final duel-”

“That isn’t why you’re here.”

“Of course it is! Why else would I be here?”

“Why else, indeed…”

Atem doesn’t move from his dais, just watching Seto with that same sad look, and a strange anger builds in Seto’s chest, bubbling up his throat.

“I’m here because you left!” he spits, “Without so much as a goodbye, you  _ left _ ! Sure, you showed up when it mattered most, but that was it! Are you really trapped here, or do you only care when  _ Yugi _ is in trouble?”

“You were in trouble too, Kaiba.”

“But you didn’t come for  _ me _ !”

His shout rings in the empty chamber, echoing off the walls and columns. It’s certainly no way to speak to a king, a pharaoh, a god.  _ But he’s none of those things to me… _ He’s just another human being, a rival, someone who could match him play for play when few others could. Seto wants to keep shouting, wants to scream, to shake the man in front of him and just make him understand.

He realizes with a start that Atem has stepped off the dais and closer to him, realizes that he is shaking with rage and an emotion he’s been too afraid to name, realizes his eyes are burning. Atem’s expression is still sad and gentle and understanding, like he already knows all of what Seto is feeling even when Seto himself doesn’t yet know. He wants to start the duel now. Then he doesn’t have to examine his feelings or see this gentle expression in Atem’s face or think about anything except his strategies. Atem doesn’t give him the chance. He steps even closer, close enough to touch him, his eyes the same vivid and shining amethyst they’ve always been.

“Please…” he says quietly, “why did you really come here, Seto?”

There’s a knife-sharp twist in his chest, deep and painful. He doesn’t want to examine his feelings, not here, not in front of the person whose fault it is they exist at all. His chest hurts now. It hurts to breathe and his eyes burn and there’s a heavy lump in his throat, and he doesn’t know if it’s from emotion or from the particles that make up his body being slowly torn away from him or-

“You left,” he finally says, his voice far too thick and wavering, “You left m- You left us behind… just like it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done.”

“This was what you all worked for, for me to return where I belong. Of course I didn’t really want to leave you all, but it was for the best.”

“It all happened so fast… We never had our final duel-”

“You’re not here for a final duel. Just speak the truth, Seto, we’re the only ones here. If you’re afraid of appearing weak or what have you, you needn’t worry. There’s no one here who can tell anyone you know that you showed emotion,” Atem tells him, “There’s only me… and we both know I cannot go back.”

Those words hurt more than anything else, feel like a punch to the throat, knocking the wind from his lungs. His stomach rolls. His body hurts from being so tense. He doesn’t want to let go. He wants to prove he is still in command of himself and his emotions. He hasn’t cried since he was a child, for god’s sake.  _ But it’s true that no one will know… no one but Atem and me… _ And it feels somehow scandalous to know he’ll share something with Atem that Yugi won’t know about, something just between the two of them.  _ The only thing we’ll share together without Yugi… _

Something finally breaks within him, his carefully crafted walls shattering like glass under the weight of his grief and anger. His knees buckle, crashing to the stone floor. It should hurt. He should be worried that it doesn’t. He hasn’t felt a damn thing in this other dimension, and the thought that he won’t even be able to feel it if Atem touches him drags a low whine from his throat, tears beginning to roll down his face.

“You just left!” he shouts brokenly, “You left! The only one you said goodbye to was Yugi and then you just- just left us!”

“I told everyone goodbye-”

“ _ Not me! _ ”

Seto knows he sounds miserable and petulant, but he can’t find in himself to care. It feels like being torn apart from the inside out, like something brutally sharp is clawing away at his insides and leaving only bloody shreds behind. It’s the truth he’s been avoiding for so long. He wants to tear himself open and show Atem what has become of him, for him to see the bleeding shreds of his heart, because while he’s pretty sure he isn’t  _ in love _ with Atem, he is definitely sure that he does  _ love _ him. Looking up, he sees that Atem’s expression still hasn’t changed, except perhaps to become more sad. Seto’s breath is harsh, ragged, his body struggling to bring in the air he needs.  _ I might die here… wherever I am… _

Atem is kneeling in front of him, surely no position for a king, a pharaoh, a god… but to Seto, Atem is none of those things. He is a person, a person he only just now realizes he has loved, a person he’s been trying not to mourn because mourning would mean he really is gone. He’s a person just looking at Seto, his eyes boring into Seto’s soul, and it’s simply too much to bear. As if Atem is pulling them from him, Seto’s long-suppressed emotions begin spilling from his lips, an outpouring of his grief and anger.

“You said we were friends! You always did, even when I was a terrible person and said I hated you and wanted nothing to do with you!” he cries, “You saved my life and Mokuba’s life-! Why would you leave without saying goodbye-”

“Forgive me, Seto… I suppose your mask was too good. I didn’t think you cared all that much for me-”

“Well I did! I do!”

The pressure in his chest is painful, crushing his lungs. He won’t last much longer here, and the thought that he might die pulls the painful truth from him.

“Why didn’t I realize I loved you sooner?” Seto whispers harshly, “You always knew all your friends loved you… and you loved them… why couldn’t I just figure it out?”

“When did you ever see love?” Atem replies, voice as sad as his look, “After the death of your parents, when did anyone ever show you what love was? I know you and Mokuba love each other very much, but who aside from your brother took the time to love you?”

“Didn’t you love me, Atem?”

Seto’s voice is small and miserable, like a child’s. His chest feels like it’s been scraped raw, everything inside it scooped out to leave this ragged and bleeding hole in its wake. Atem gives a quiet sigh.

“You are my friend, Seto… of course I love you.”

A hand slowly comes up, and Seto shivers because he won’t be able to feel it, he won’t, and he doesn’t know if he’ll survive not being able to feel that touch-

Atem’s hand is warm on his cheek, thumb stroking over his skin. Seto collapses, his body and expression crumpling while a sob finally escapes the pressure inside his chest and bursts from his lips. He feels ( _ feels _ ) Atem gather him up in his arms, holding him tightly, and it just  _ hurts _ . He should’ve realized sooner. He should’ve stopped acting like an ass. He should’ve just accepted the love he should’ve known was there, and he should’ve stopped acting like he was too good for it.

It’s too late now. He claws desperately at Atem, trying to grab hold of whatever he can, be it gold or cloth or skin. His crying is undignified and loud and sloppy, tears streaming from his eyes and his nose running, and he finally screams, the sound feral and broken. Everything hurts. He  _ must _ be dying.

Atem simply does his best to soothe him. If he speaks, Seto can’t hear it over his own grief, but he thinks he feels his voice rumbling in his chest. He comforts him gently, with hands in his hair and over his back and on his face. Seto clings to the feeling, desperate to feel something in this world where he’s felt nothing… when he’s tried to convince himself for years that he feels nothing. He’s feeling too much now, far too much, and if his body breaking down particle by particle won’t kill him, this might.

“I’m not going to let you die,” Atem tells him, still cradling him, “You know as well as I do that somehow I’ve never been able to let you die.”

“There was one time you almost did.”

“I don’t think I would have.”

He pulls back, looking Seto in the eyes. Seto knows he must look utterly miserable, can only imagine the sight he must make after crying so hard for so long. Atem takes the time to brush the hair off his forehead and to dry his tears, movements so gentle that Seto feels something else shatter inside him.  _ Everything  _ hurts.

“You must leave this place. You’ll die if you stay here, because this is a place for dead things. The living don’t belong-”

“Come with me. Come back with me-”

“I cannot. You know that. You forget… I  _ am _ a dead thing, and this is my place,” he says, a hand soothing Seto once more as his lip wobbles at the mention of death, “I am happy here. I have my old friends, and I have not forgotten all of you. One day, when all of you are dead, perhaps you will be able to join me here… but I do not expect to find out the answer to that for a very long time. In the meantime… Go home, Seto, and remember this final meeting.”

His lips are soft and warm on Seto’s forehead.

Seto jerks awake with a gasp. His head bumps something hard and he panics, thrashing for a moment before realizing where he is. Everything around him is cold steel, brushed aluminum, clear plastic. He’s still in the pod. A voice is calling out to him. He shakes himself, listens.

“Brother! Brother, are you alright? I had some bad life signs from you for a while there, are you okay? Seto, answer me!”

Mokuba’s voice is becoming increasingly terrified, and finally Seto manages to say, “Mokuba… I- I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“What happened?”

“It was-... I’ll tell you when I come home. I’m coming home.”

Mokuba is waiting for him when he arrives, and Seto can’t stop himself from dropping to his knees and pulling his brother into a tight hug, fingers buried in his hair. Without hesitation, Mokuba hugs him back.

“Welcome home, Seto… I was so worried about you,” he mumbles.

Seto can’t think of anything to say, so he just squeezes Mokuba tighter and tells him the only thing he  _ can _ think of.

“I love you, Mokuba.”

“I love you too, Seto.”

The ragged edges start to knit themselves back together. Everything hurts a little less.


End file.
